i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
porn star boner night. come get it.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
