I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
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