That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
