What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
