Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
