1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
