I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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