Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
