when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
