They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
