break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Randomize
