We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
