I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Randomize
