oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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