I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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