My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
only you would photoshop your dick
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
