this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
