Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
