She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
try to milk me bitch
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
