so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
high people should be assigned attendants
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
