is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
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