I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
