He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
