So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
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