Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
