I puked a lego.
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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