i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
