i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Randomize
