Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
You ate ashes out of my bong
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Randomize
