now i know why i became what i already was.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
