So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
