I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
