I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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