omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
i black out too much to be "responsible"
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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