why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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