so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
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