Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
