I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
