i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Randomize
