listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
