You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
