Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
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