i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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