Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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