just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Dignity is for republicans.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Randomize
