Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
