Got a toothbrush?
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
