He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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