who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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