I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
