We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
