piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
